Halloween / Horror

Getting Spooky in 2015

It’s baaAAAack.

If you’re not familiar with how to Get Spooky, I’ll send you to these first: 01, 02, 03, 04. Are you done? Alright, let’s do this all sequel-like. There’s still a whole buncha spooky left to dig up. Get it? Like digging up a spooky body. Like, it could be a skeleton with a worm in it or something. Wow.


me irl

me irl


Have you seen this incredibly popular short horror film with over 10 million views? Probably, but here it is anyway!

That tension, though. Sure the final scare really isn’t that powerful because of, well, what the thing looks like. But still, tell me you weren’t clenching as the lights went on and off. Try and tell me you weren’t, at the very least, unnerved. The hallway scare still made me jump like the 3rd time I watched it, but that’s probably just because I’m a huge baby. Also if your power goes out as you read the rest of this post, good luck, and goodbye forever.


I paid $25 to be locked in a room for an hour with five other idiots who did the same thing. It was the best $25 I’ve ever spent.

Talon Falls is my local Haunted House Spooky Thing, and now you can pay them even more money to lock you in a hot room in the dark. No, not like that. If you’re not satisfied with just going to a haunted house to have teenagers scream at you, look for a local Escape Game. If you’ve ever played any of the Zero Escape series like 999 or Virtue’s Last Reward, you know exactly what you’re getting into. If you’ve got a good group to escape with, it’s one of the coolest ways you can waste an hour. I ended up crawling through one of those dead body things in a morgue, and it was the best part of my day. I hope I get locked in a morgue again someday.


Wait, you haven’t played 999?

Nine_Hours,_Nine_Persons,_Nine_Doors_Cover_Art

So it goes like this. Some people are locked in…well, I mean you probably get it at this point. It’s a creepy kidnapping story with a bit too much talking but a whole lot of sweet, sweet payoff by the end. 999 isn’t really the best playing thing around (it’s kind of awful at times), so if you’re desperate, skip on to the much more player-friendly sequel.


who made skinny mario

why

what did they want from us


Illbleed is the definition of spooky, but I wish it was even remotely playable in 2015.

illbleed boox

It’s a game about a group of #teens being trapped at a horror movie carnival filled with monsters and traps and every other horrible thing you can imagine. It plays kind of like a twisted (but bad) Pokemon Snap, where you’re forced to use a camera-thing to find hints on where spooky things might be so they don’t spook you to death. It’s the weirdest thing you’ll ever see, and you should totally watch a playthrough on YouTube or something. Illbleed is a haunted house simulator and is aesthetically pleasing to me in ways I can’t describe with words, and I just want you to know it exists. (Big thanks to Gary and Kole from this episode of Abject Suffering for introducing it to me! Listen in for more effusive praise for skeletons and shit like that.)


rt your skeleton is probably the only Twitter account you need to follow.

All it does is Tweet skeleton related media. Like this:

wat

and this

do it

and sometimes this

beauty

I don’t know why else Twitter even exists.


Click this link, scroll down and read the story, and haaaave fuuuuun. Make sure your sound is turned on…;).


Here is a ghost.

a ghost


Did you refuse to watch M. Night Shayamalan’s new movie, The Visit, because of his horrible recent track record? I don’t blame you, but you done goofed!

the visit

I had more fun watching this movie than nearly anything else this year. Watch it with friends. turn off the lights, and be ready to crawl back into your seat in order to distance yourself from whatever ridiculous thing is happening onscreen. Shyamalan plays fast and loose with the knowledge that you’re expecting A TWIST, so be ready to have no idea where this is going until the final act. If you’re down for being legitimately unsettled as you cower from your television, The Visit is the horror comedy you’ve been looking for.


NO


See if you can finish this video without shuddering or making a horrified face.

Did you do it?

No you didn’t. (At least he’s having a good time! Ha. Haha. Hahahahahaha! It burns so good!)


Imagine, if you will, taking a trip to your local grocery. You decide that you don’t need a shopping cart because, hey, your a big strong human and you don’t need that much stuff anyway. As you spend the next half hour gathering more food and goods than you will ever need (have fun remembering you bought those bananas three weeks from now), your hands are full and you stumble up to a register. You slam all of your items down onto the conveyor belt and your tired arms feel sweet relief. The woman in front of you looks back and smiles knowingly. As you spend four times as much money as you planned on, and try not to call too much attention to the fact that you bought three different flavors of Hot Pockets, you grab your heavy bags as quickly as you can. It’s time to go. With both hands and somehow one shoulder at maximum capacity of grocery bags, you shamble to your car. As you go to grab your keys to put them in the door, something shimmering catches your eye in the driver’s seat. It’s your keys. You left your keys in the car. What could be spoooOOoookiiier?

Also it’s Halloween or at least late October or something. Then a…a…a skeleton crawls out of your trunk and eats you and your groceries. The end.

spooky leaf

See you next time! Stay Spooky, my friends.

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